• 80% of parents admit their child doesn’t open up to them about their mental health

• And this is leading 39% - 7.6 million parents - to worry weekly about their child’s mental health 

• Bupa is helping parents and their children to break through their bubbles of isolation and be heard by teaming up with musician and mother Myleene Klass to launch a guide for parents and interactive videos with mental health platform JAAQ 

Parents are being left in the dark about their children’s mental health struggles and many feel they can’t break through to their children, reveals new research from Bupa. It found that 80% of parents feel their child doesn’t open up to them about their mental health.

Almost two fifths (39%) of parents - 7.6 million people - worry about their child’s mental health at least once a week. 

Further research amongst 8-18 year olds by Bupa, found that two-fifths (39%) of children feel worried every week, including 36% of 8 year olds and 43% of 9 year olds. A similar 37% of all children regularly feel stressed, suggesting these feelings start at a very young age.

There is an urgent need for children and parents to burst the bubble and begin talking to each other. Over a quarter of parents (28%) worry that their child won't tell them how they’re feeling, and 24% wish their child would open up more. And parents (24%) notice their children open up less the older they get, creating an increasing sense of isolation. 

This lack of communication is concerning, especially as two in five (44%) parents - some 8.5 million people - suspect their child might have an undiagnosed mental health condition, including anxiety (24%), ADHD (12%) and depression (9%). Equally, mental health symptoms are complex and self-diagnosing can be dangerous, so it’s important to seek help from a health professional early to prevent or reduce the progress of a mental health condition. 

As much as parents want to help, one in eight (13%) are worried about the risk of trying to broach the topic through fear of getting it wrong and potentially pushing their children further away. And many parents (16%) feel they don’t understand what their children are going through because their child’s life is so different compared to theirs when they were younger.

To support parents and their children in helping them to break through the bubble and be heard,  Bupa has created a parent’s guide to opening up mental health conversations with their children. Bupa has also produced new interactive videos with mental health platform JAAQ (Just Ask a Question) to help parents have these important conversations and highlight what mental health signs to look out for.

Working alongside Bupa, musician, presenter, young person’s mentor and mother Myleene Klass, hopes to help parents and children to break through and be heard. Myleene has managed parental challenges and has an open and honest relationship with her children. 

Commenting on the research, Myleene Klass said: “

“I know as a parent, and through past experiences, that it can be difficult to open up about mental health and have open and honest conversations. But it is vital to not suffer in silence, either as a parent suspecting your child might be having mental health struggles or as someone suffering themselves.

“As a parent you don’t need to be a trained psychiatrist; it’s just about having those conversations and understanding where your child is at in their journey. Don’t wait until something gets derailed. I often try getting out and about with my children, going for a walk and having time and space for those conversations that are hard to start. I also try to make sure that they know I am open to difficult conversations and that they can trust me, so when they feel the time is right, they know they can reach out.”

Dr Naveen Puri, Medical Director for Bupa UK Insurance comments: “Breaking through the bubble of isolation is a crucial first step in having an open and honest conversation, both for children and parents. For parents, this sense of isolation can be extremely stressful and emotional, especially for those who might think their child is suffering in silence. 

“Anxiety, depression and other mental health conditions common in young people are complex. It can be difficult for parents to distinguish between highs and lows and symptoms of mental ill-health. This is why it’s so important that parents and children have these open conversations in a safe space. A problem heard early can be a problem halved.”

“And by making these conversations feel normal every day, we can help make sure that those who need help receive it.”

Dr Naveen says it is important to ensure your children feel HEARD:

How are you? Start a conversation with some icebreaker questions. But first, put your phone down and avoid distractions. It sounds obvious but it’s easy to forget! Ask your child how they are, what’s been the best part of their day, or what were the challenges? Make sure it’s all kept informal. Avoid it feeling like a serious face-to-face discussion. Your child might find it easier to say how they feel by writing or texting it, or they might want to talk to another adult they trust.

Empathise. Explain that you’re here for them. Remain calm and listen without judging. Try to put yourself in their shoes, rather than becoming agitated if they tell you they’re struggling with stress. Avoid using phrases like ‘There’s no need to worry’, which can undermine your child’s feelings and doesn’t offer them a solution. Avoid unhelpful comparisons such as ‘Your older sibling never struggled with X’

Acknowledge. When your child shares how they feel, acknowledge it with simple phrases. Their concerns may seem trivial to you but they’re significant to them. Give small cues like nodding and say things like ‘I see’ to show you’re listening. Allow time for silence and pauses. Don’t jump to fill the gaps but allow your child to talk and feel heard.

Reflect. As the conversation develops, play back what you’ve heard them say. So they know you’ve really been listening. Let your child know you’re there for them and happy to talk, whenever and wherever they want. Ask follow-up questions, like how did they feel during a particular part of their day, or is there anything they wish had been different?

Direct. Direct the conversation towards next steps. But avoid jumping too quickly to your own solutions. Ask your child about things they think they could ‘do’ about how they feel. Explain that help is available if they feel they need it, or if they want to talk to someone outside the family.

You can download the parent’s guide here - https://www.bupa.co.uk/health/health-insurance/young-persons-mental-health

Bupa has also created a video to help people break through and be heard - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjMpKjF7_AA